Speechless

We haven’t really broached the subject of adoption costs in our blog to this point.  Adoption is expensive.  The “prohibitive” cost is the most common reason people give for not pursuing adoption.  While adoption through the US foster care system is less expensive (usually less than $5000), domestic newborn adoptions average $ 25,000-$35,000, and international adoptions run $25,000-$40,000.

We have been a single-income family for over six years now.  Ryan is a tremendous provider and financial manager for our family, but we simply do not have $28,000 lying around.  We entered our adoption journey with an aggressive savings plan that would allow us to cover the cost of the adoption without going into debt.  However, our “plan” did not include our three year-old’s emergency appendectomy and week-long hospital stay in March. 

So we found ourselves, once again, practicing humility, submission, and faith by trusting in a plan that we did not expect, but one that we believed was higher and more complete than our own.  We applied for a couple adoption grants, and in July, we were awarded a matching grant by a non-profit Christian adoption foundation.  The foundation would allow our friends and family to make tax-deductible donations toward our adoption expenses, which would be matched by the foundation (up to the amount of the grant for which they approved us).  Any money donated beyond the maximum match amount wouldn’t be matched, but would still go directly toward our adoption expenses.

Money can be a delicate issue, and initially, we had reservations about inviting our friends and family to participate in a matching grant.  Why should we ask others to help underwrite our crazy ideas, we thought?  If God asked us to do this, then surely He will provide the finances for us to do it, right?  (As it turned out, He would provide the finances…just not how we expected).  From the start of the adoption journey, we have experienced God conforming our “plans” to His agenda, His timeline, and His Will.  He has certainly used the adoption journey to, among other things, build our humility and chip away at our self-reliance.  So, we decided to make “the ask.”   

With a tough economy, a limited timeframe to collect donations (the adoption foundation accepted donations on behalf of our adoption during August and September), and the simple fact that there are many causes and recipients worthy of people’s support and generosity, we had no idea what to expect.  We were hopeful that we would reach 100% of the match amount.  If our friends and family hit that mark, those donations plus the match money from the grant foundation would cover the medical expenses we had unexpectedly incurred this spring.  

Well, very simply, we were stunned speechless by the outpouring of support.  The foundation provided weekly updates on donations received:

·         After the FIRST WEEK, we were at 100% of the match amount.  Let me say that again, we met the foundation’s full matching amount in a week! 

·         After the SECOND WEEK, the amount raised had been TRIPLED. 

·         BY THE END of the donation period, and by God’s grace, our friends and family completely smashed our very most optimistic hopes for the results of the grant. We were blessed to raise four times what we had hoped.    

So, our community of friends and family has just completely removed what was probably the greatest challenge for us in this adoption process (who knows, if you all keep this up, maybe we’ll adopt 3 or 4 more!! ).  A few months ago, we thought we still had about $20,000 in adoption expenses ahead of us.  That amount is now probably just a few thousand dollars.  You have no idea the weight of the burden that has been lifted off our backs.  We are so tremendously thankful.

If God commands His people to be compassionately involved in caring for the fatherless, and we believe that He clearly and repeatedly does, we are surrounded by a community of people who is getting it done.  Through their generosity, they are helping put an orphan into a family.  They’ve made a financial investment into something that they will be able to see and touch (and maybe even babysit sometimes J ); they’ve invested in something that will grow and mature before their  very eyes.  We pray that the return on this investment will be rich and rewarding for us all.

Sarah

Ugh.

I had never participated in a conference call before (in my line of work, I find it equally effective to stand in the most-central location in my house and holler state in a calm but very-audible voice whatever information I wish to convey to the masses who may be in various locations about the premises).  However, I have now experienced the refined, mature practice of “the conference call”. 

Children’s Hope International had an unprecedented conference call this past week (several calls, actually, to accommodate the 200 families currently at different stages in the process of adopting children from Ethiopia).  The agency wanted to address growing concerns and questions regarding the delays in the Ethiopian adoption process.  The good news is that the agency staff does NOT believe that Ethiopia will likely be “closing” itself to international adoptions anytime soon.  The bad news is that this adoption is going to take longer than we had planned.  We now expect that our adoption is going to take about 6-12 months longer than we were initially told.  It’s not the agency’s fault.  It’s not our fault.  It’s not the Ethiopian government’s fault.  It’s not the orphanage’s fault.  It’s just the nature of international adoptions.  Ugh. 

To answer the questions in your head...yes, we’re still going to do this.  We’re in too far to turn back now (not that we would want to anyway).  No, we’re not looking into any other countries.  It currently takes about 5 years to adopt healthy child from China and four years from Columbia.  Even if our Ethiopian adoption takes twice as long as initially predicted, it’s still a shorter process than many other countries.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve been having an ever-so-slight pity party periodically over the past month…because why???  Because this is taking longer than I anticipated?  Good-grief!!  Get over yourself, Sarah.  Shame on you!!  When I start to feel whiny, I just think about families who have already been waiting for 11 months (we’ve been waiting 4 months) for that referral that just won’t come, families who know that the next referral given will be their child.  I think about couples for whom adoption is their hope for starting a family, couples who don’t have the luxury of three sweet maniacs to pleasantly distract them from the tiresome waiting.  I think of families who have already received referrals, families who have a picture of their child hanging on their fridge and who are waiting and waiting for the “go-ahead” to fly to Ethiopia to meet their child and appear in court.  I think of families who have already appeared in Ethiopian court and have held their precious little one in their arms and would give anything to have their visa interview appointment scheduled by the US Embassy in Ethiopia, so they can bring their child home.  Ugh.

And that’s just one side of the equation.  Here’s the part that’s even more heart-breaking… I think of the children in Ethiopia who will have to spend more time in orphanages rather than in families (the reality is that we now won’t likely have the chance to throw our daughter a party on her first birthday because she won’t be home with us).  I think of the children in Ethiopia who, because of these delays in the process, won’t be adopted at all (you see, once a child is older than four or five years, the odds of their being adopted drop significantly).  I think of children for whom there will not even be space at an orphanage because others are spending more time in the orphanage rather than coming home promptly to their families.  Ugh.

But, this has been God’s deal from the start, not ours.  Mostly, we’ve been tagging along like a couple of dopes, trying not to get in the way.  So, I guess it seems only fitting to do this on His timing, not ours.  He’s proved Himself capable thus far…leading us to the country of Ethiopia, guiding us through the mountainous and tedious paperwork process, providing a way for this single-income family to manage the costs of the adoption, etc.  So, we will continue to rely on Him, who began a good work in our hearts over 2 years ago, to carry it on to completion whenever He sees fit. (Philippians 1:6)

Sarah

It's been awhile...

Again, we apologize for the long break between blog posts… there is just not much news to report on our adoption.  We’re waiting.  Our agency has still given out only one referral to a waiting family in the past two months.  There are multiple reasons for this, none of which are permanent or terribly alarming to us.  We just believe this to be part of the ebb and flow of the adoption tide.  We are hopeful that referrals will begin to pick up again in the short-term, and we’ll let you know when we get to remove some links from our paperchain. 

Ethiopia has been on my mind, though it has not been directly related to our adoption.  The country is in the middle of a historic drought, driving a food crisis and famine that is threatening hundreds of thousands of lives in the Horn of Africa. 

I’m 38 years-old. The first time I heard of Ethiopia was when I was a kid and the country was in the headlines because of a famine that devastated that area in the 1980s.  I still remember bringing home a little cardboard UNICEF box from church and filling it with loose change to help the starving children in Ethiopia.  I grew up associating Ethiopia with starvation.  That famine in the 1980s was severe enough to shape the views of a little kid thousands of miles away in rural Iowa.

Well unfortunately, the current famine declared in Somalia, Ethiopia and Kenya is believed to be worse than the historic famine of the 1980s.  And this time, I’m not a little kid.  And this time, there is somebody about which I care very much, living in Ethiopia.  You see, based on the average timelines we were given by the adoption agency, our baby has probably been conceived by this time.    There is a woman, a young girl maybe, who is close in our hearts and in our prayers; who figures very prominently into the future of our family; who is carrying our baby.  And there is a chance that this woman has to search or walk days, weeks, or months to find food.  So what am I going to do about it? 

First, God has orchestrated a plan for Sarah & me to help coordinate a food packaging event through the international hunger relief organization, Numana.  We are in the initial stages of planning a church-wide event where hundreds of volunteers will serve together packaging over 25,000 simple, nutrient-rich meals destined for the Horn of Africa. 

Second, I want to make sure you are aware of this famine. Below are ways to learn more…

A quote from Richard Steans, president of World Vision, in the Huffington Post

"We did not create the desperate conditions of drought and famine threatening the lives of 10 million people in the Horn of Africa. But, as Christians, it is ourresponsibility to do something about it. It is our moral duty to help our neighbors in need -- here in the U.S. and elsewhere, and God commands us to help those we have the means to help. We cannot look at their situation -- on television, in newspapers or magazines, or on the Internet -- shrug our shoulders, and say, "Not my problem.""

Numana’s CEO, Rick McNary, was in the region last month and witnessed the horrors of this famine first-hand.  In a blog post he observed, “I’ve seen starving people before but this is criminal.”

I hope you choose to do something about it…at least find yourself a little cardboard UNICEF box you can fill with loose change.

Ryan

Patience

Well, I apologize for the three-week break in blog action (one would almost think that I don’t have time to write a blog, or something like that).  Luckily, it seems that the world has continued to turn. 

I shall begin this post with a little self-disclosure.  Here’s something you may not know about me (unless you’re my mother, my husband, my sister, one of my children, the clerk at the post office, or the driver of that silver Camry in front of me that is moving at roughly 19 mph)…I’m not, traditionally, a patient person.  When there’s something to be done, I’d like it done now (and I’d like it done the way I’d like it done, please…though that’s an issue for another post). 

I’ve heard people say, “Don’t pray for patience because what you’ll get are situations and opportunities to practice and cultivate patience.”  Well, I’ve certainly had plenty of “opportunities” to practice patience over the years.  (Fellas, grab your shoes.)  Unfortunately, I haven’t been making appropriate gains in that area.  (It’s time to go. Where are your shoes!)  So, perhaps God has enrolled me in a remedial course in patience-production.  (Put down that stick and go find your shoes!  Now!!)  I certainly found the adoption paperwork process to be fraught with opportunities to practice patience.  (Why are you not putting on your shoes?!!)  And, that was just the prelude to THIS…

We’re currently two months in to what we believe will be about a nine month wait to be “matched” with our child.  Incidentally, we believe, deeply in our hearts, that God has already “matched” us with a particular child, who was identified and destined to be our daughter since before there was time…it’s just going to be another seven or eight months until He shares the details with the orphanage officials, adoption agency staff, and us. 

Despite my great desire to celebrate with other happy families by removing links from our cute and colorful paper chain, our agency has given out only one referral to a waiting family in the past month.  But, the fact that this uncharacteristic sense of peace has settled over my spirit with regard to our adoption process is significant.  We have recognized from the start that our family would be changed, enriched, and blessed by the process of adopting a child.  Clearly God is using this journey to cultivate a little of the ol’ patience-fruit (among other things) in my life.

All this waiting, makes me think of a song that I really like:

Sarah 

Orphaned no more

My World Magazine arrived the other day with a cover story on Ethiopian adoptions.   If you have an interest in better understanding the reasons behind the reduction in inter-country adoptions that the Ethiopian government announced in March, this article might be of interest.  

For us, it was reassuring to have an objective observer validate what we have been hearing from our agency staff.  Although there are some unfortunate and unacceptable incidents of failure and deception, safeguards do exist to protect against systemic fraud in the Ethiopian adoption process.

Click on the picture to link to the article on the World Magazine website.

Ryan

While we wait

So here we sit (to be honest, we have three busy children and a rather “high-needs” dog, so there is very little sitting going on around here, unless you count sitting on one’s bed following a behavioral infraction involving one’s brother’s favorite blanket, a foam sword, and a toilet).  In any case, we’re finished with our paperwork and we’re about 40^th in the Children’s Hope queue to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  There is literally nothing more we can do to expedite or advance our adoption process.  We expect to be matched with our baby shortly after the first of the year, roughly 8 months from now.  To help the kids (and us) process the wait time, we made a paper chain today.  Using 40 strips of red, green, and yellow paper (the colors of the Ethiopian flag); we created a chain that is now hanging in the doorway of our dining room, which represents the families in front of us in “line” to adopt kids from Ethiopia.

Each Friday, when we get our weekly update from the adoption agency, we find out how many happy families have received referrals that week (ie- how many people got matched with their children).  We will remove a link from our paper chain to correspond with each child who finds a home.  Yes, this will help us keep track of our relative position in line, but it’s going to do so much more than that.  The links on this chain will allow us to mark and celebrate children who are, one by one, being sought and found by their forever families.  It will help to widen our scope a bit.  With 145 million orphans worldwide, of course we know that the need is way bigger than us; it takes lots of willing families, lots of adoption agencies operating stateside and internationally in lots of different countries.  But it brings my heart a bit of joy and hope to know that as we celebrate with the families who are adopting orphans from Ethiopia through Children’s Hope International, ours is but one of eight international adoption programs that Children’s Hope operates.  And, that there are many other good and ethical adoption agencies operating in Ethiopia and in many other countries around the world (including the United States). 

So really, the links of our little paper chain could and should be multiplied to represent the families who are answering the call to adopt, just beginning the beautiful journey, or even contemplating whether adoption may be in store for their future.

Sarah

We are a "Waiting Family"

We heard from our adoption agency last week while we were out of town.  They said that our dossier had been sent back to their office from Washington D.C. after acquiring the necessary stamps and signatures there, and that we are now officially on the waiting list for a referral.  Yea!!!  Right now, families are waiting around 8 months for a referral from Ethiopia (ie- to be matched with a child), so we would expect, perhaps, to have some basic info about our child shortly after the first of the year.

After all the hustle and mass of paperwork over the past seven months, the next seven months will be really quiet.  We’ll likely use this time reading up on Ethiopia, learning a bit of the Amharic language, and preparing our house (and our family) for the addition of another child.

We’ll keep posting on this blog with some frequency over the coming months.  Stay tuned….

Sarah